岸上的陌生人/Stranger on the Shore II

Paris

New York

Amsterdam

因為看書的原故, 愈發覺得眾人言語無味, 島居侷促狹窄, 恨不得快高長大, 遠走高飛, 用鷹的眼光來觀看小島以外的世界。

小島上, 一般年紀的女孩子有好幾十個, 將來的命運也都差不多, 都是等不及長大就結婚生子, 然後留在家裡帶孩子做家務, 做些手作幫補家用, 閒時打麻將說是非, 生命還未開始就完結了, 我對自己說我不要這種生活, 我的將來也不僅止如此, 有一天我會離去, 找尋我理想的生活, 我還年輕, 還有這麼多的事情要學要做, 還有這麼多的地方要去。
現在要找的東西都找到了, 要去的地方都去過了, 在北美洲一個小城安頓下‬來, 做我喜歡的工作, 閒時讀書, 繪畫, 寫作, 聽音樂, 看電影, 做瑜伽, 去旅遊, 過著我童年夢想的生活, 應該感恩才是, 然而....

—1995年2月1日發表在加京華報

Because my reading, I found everyone’s chatter more idiotic, the island more narrow-minded, and I couldn’t wait to grow up, to escape and see the world with the eyes of an eagle.

On the island, dozens of girls my own age shared the same fates. All of them couldn’t wait to grow up and marry and have children, then to stay home with the little ones and the housework, taking on some piecework to bring in something extra, playing mah-jong in the spare hours and going to mass. It’s a life that is over before it’s begun. I told myself, I don’t want that kind of life. That will not be my future. One day I will leave to find it. I’m still young, with things to do and places to go.

Now, all I’ve ever desired, I have. All the cities I wanted to see, I’ve seen. I’ve settled in a small North American city doing the work I was meant to do. My free hours are filled with reading, painting, writing, listening to music, watching movies, doing yoga, travelling, living out the dream life of my childhood. I should appreciate it, and yet…

—published in winter 2019, Brick magazine