HongKong/Vancouver

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. — T. S. Eliot

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Fraser River Tour I



We are in our 10th months of restrictions due to Covid-19 pandemic. There have been 765 deaths in B.C. and 14,331 deaths in Canada. 

Here, in our little place in LuLu Island, beauty and horror co-exist. I cannot complain of much hardship where we are. We live in a beautiful townhome surrounded by parks, farmland and oh yeah... Fraser River. But I am thinking about the deaths, the healthcare workers, and worrying about my mother, my daughters... Like many people, I've been struggling with sleep!

Walking it out may be the answer. I did 5 km this morning. I'd like to call it the Fraser River Tour — I started at home, and walked to River Road, skirted nettlebed and back home through #3 Road. The rose bushes are fading now, but there is cow parsley everywhere. And snow geese are returning, flying gently in the sunshine. Yes, walk it out, I say.

But this morning, oh my goodness, there wasn't anything else to say. How can we possibly begin to appreciate all this beauty?


Fraser River is the longest river within British Columbia, Canada, rising at Fraser Pass near Blackrock Mountain in the Rocky Mountain and flowing for 1,375 kilometres (854 mi), into the Strait of Georgia at the city of Vancouver.

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

不枉此生

不穿名牌設計, 不收集鑽戒金飾, 不駕駛名廠新車, 不研究股票行情, 不做社團主席, 不聯群結黨, 不拉攏吹捧, 餘下來可以與人交往的活動已經不多, 幸好從小養成獨來獨往的性格, 一個人看電影, 聽音樂會, 在家讀書一樣可以自得其樂, 在人叢裡笑聲語聲中, 一樣可以感到孤寂與落寞, 我利用孤獨時間來思考。
後來有伴, 可以攜手同遊歐洲, 可以暢談黑澤明電影, 可以共赴卜狄倫演唱會, 但仍然是兩個思想獨立的人, 現在家庭事業兼顧, 依然留點時間空間給自己, 不能忍受自己的智慧如一池死水般, 停留在某一個階段中不動, 我是個不安份的人, 在有生之年多學一點, 多知一點, 有人安於現狀, 朝九晚五, 閒來研究那家餐館好吃, 那間市場平價, 亦有人勤於積累財富, 疲於奔命, 錢以外事物一摡不理, 這也沒有什麼不對, 只不過有人喜歡井底小天地, 有人喜歡長空萬里, 直下看山河。

都是中年人了, 時間愈見寶貴, 十八歲時自以為是天才, 廿八歲才醒覺是庸才, 唯有加倍努力以勤補拙, 萬卷詩書事業, 十份一也做不到, 心底著實焦急起來, 莊子說: 以有涯生命求無涯的知識, 殆之矣。

所以有人閒來逛公司喝下午茶串門子說是非, 心裡立刻嫌棄, 此人怎地不事生產, 有時間可以做義工, 又或留在家裡讀書寫字, 總好過花蝴蝶般穿插社交場所, 此等場所流言最多, 老之將至, 那裡還有時間精力跟人喋喋不休紏纏下去。

漫長的人生道路, 必然有得有失, 絶不怕挫折和失意, 唯有經過苦難才知道生命的真義, 在垂暮之年, 回首前塵, 我不曾白活, 都學過了, 做過了, 愛過了, 哭過了, 我將帶著微笑而離去...

—199151日發表在加京華報


Monday, October 26, 2020

不一樣的藍

坪洲 · Peng Chau

故居在一個島上, 有十五年的日子, 差不多每天打開門户, 撲面而來就是藍, 藍的天, 藍的海, 萬里長空, 陽光毫無保留的撥瀉下來, 洒一把銀爍閃閃在海上, 晶光燦爛, 眩得人要咪起眼睛才可以承受那種明亮, 我總是在屋前留連不去, 看著小漁船匆匆由一方駛向另一方, 遠去之後仍然留下兩條翻騰的白浪, 越過那條隠約可見的水平線, 依然是藍, 不知道一直藍到那裡去? 古希臘的地中海? 還是高更的南太平洋?
海的一旁是由高漸低沉入海的山, 重重叠叠, 一層比一層鬱綠, 半山處一瀉不知從何而來的瀑布, 一旁是座小小的神樂院, 偶然一隻蒼鷹在半空盤旋, 同是一般不忍離去, 直下看山河, 又是另一番景象。
不過是最平凡的山水, 但海闊天空, 帶給少年人無限遐想, 山的連綿不絕處是神州大陸, 血液中流著她的文化思想, 而潮漲潮退處是開放的大洋, 海的彼岸是新社會, 新知識, 留下來承襲傳統的職責? 還是離去開拓天地? 追逐天際的所謂一抹雲彩? 
最終選擇離去, 像鷹一樣高飛遠走, 飄洋過洋, 愈走愈遠, 故居的山水成了記憶中的印像! 若干年後, 少年人成了中年人, 在北國寒冬的二月裡, 窗外是一色的藍, 呆呆的看了半天, 這種藍會一直藍到人的靈魂心忺處。
....................
到如今, 去了那麼多地方, 經歷了那麼多事故, 仍然不知道選擇是錯是對, 只知道給我一把洒在藍絲絨上的鑽石, 我寧取故居門前銀爍閃閃的海上。

—19981015日發表在加華僑報

Friday, October 9, 2020

北岸/North Shore

北温哥華  · North Vancouver

那段青澀如草酸味的日子, 大哥哥愛攝影, 在淺水灣火紅熾熱的英雄樹下, 在動植物公園兩棵交差而生的棕櫚樹前, 在山頂鬱綠陰涼的小徑上, 都留下她瘦怯怯的的身影。

後來也沒發生過什麼事, 大哥哥說做人要有多點學識, 要多見世面才好, 於是她去了紐約, 多倫多, 倫敦, 巴黎, 阿姆斯特丹, 三藩市, 蒙特利爾... 繞了地球一個圈子, 四年後, 她帶著個學位回來, 可是大哥哥不見了, 只有天星碼頭前支旗桿在等她。

他當了政府官員, 身旁有個愛穿改良旗袍的她, 他倆齊齊出席適當的場合, 結交適當的人物, 交流適當的對話, 恆生指數, 房屋價格, 港姐選美, 回家途中, 秘書會通知他, 記得週末和副政司打球, 和孩子坐船出海, 太太娘家有宴會... 他什麼都記得, 只是記不起她。

悄悄的回來, 也悄悄的回去, 平常的生活, 平常的工作, 偶然在中文報紙看到他, 又升了三級, 在鏡頭前展露他官方式笑容, 他意氣風發, 她不認識他。

若干年後, 聽說他帶了另外一個她來了哥華, 在北區買了房子, 孩子在名校上學, 閒時愛駕著他軋新的寶馬去市中心 Fairmont Hotel 下午茶, 她沒有見過他。

.................

春寒重, 深院靜, 看著北岸群山叠叠, 山沒有變, 她瘦怯怯的身形沒有變變的那個是他。

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

香港/LuLu Island II




It's been a full year now since we moved into this art unit. And as I sit by the window in the morning haze, listening to the seagulls and watching the recycling truck picking up the bins, the sun twinkling on the windows across the street, cup of coffee by me, John is asleep in our bed, I realize that in the face of this pandemic, the rest of it takes a back seat. There is no time for holding grudges, for vituperative behaviour, for regret, our only job now is to hold each other, to be kind to each other, and to move on, together. 

Friday, May 1, 2020

In the peak of COVID-19…


I don't hate people… I just feel better when they're not around.


A public health emergency was declared in British Columbia on March 17 and come to the end at June 30, 2021.

Saturday, January 11, 2020

Like Thoreau, I'd gone to the woods...

Lynn Valley

Rice Lake

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms...”  —Henry David Thoreau


I spent two hours in a forest yesterday and I should have spent longer. Soft, pine needle ground underfoot makes you feel as if you could just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I want to be alone in the woods for a long, long time. It's a place to escape and a place to release, to breathe out, to get rid of the angst that builds when one doesn't do enough, what? life? I can feel it inside but it's not always there. Usually there is beneficence....