草原的光輝/Splendour in the Grass II

然而, 什麼又是快樂? 快樂又是那麼抽象, 只有活得不耐煩的人才去想這種問題, 衣食不缺, 家人齊全, 還有什麼好抱怨呢, 一星期五天上班下班, 週末接送孩子上中文課, 順便到唐人街買餸菜, 星期日去茶樓排隊吃點心, 然後下星期再來過, 生活成了習慣, 只求安逸, 不求有變, 日出日落, 春去秋來, 不知不覺中已垂垂老矣。

快樂是年底升職加薪通告? 是四個睡房两個車房大屋? 是全新的寶馬房車? 是股票市場中大有收獲? 啊, 那不是快樂, 快樂是五月一個清晨, 和小情人牽手漫步在山林, 快樂是三两好友杯酒言歡徹夜深談, 快樂是風雨後水流成河踏著木屐在芭蕉樹下放紙船, 快樂是小女兒蹬蹬學行第一步, 啊, 都記不起來了, 曾經是那樣快樂過, 這樣美好的日子終須過去, 這樣細緻的感情也無法挽留, 剩下來的只有欷歔和悵惘。歷年來命運的起落, 心早已煉成鋼鐵, 再也不會輕易受到傷害, 但也不會輕易去哭去笑去愛!

有讀過那首長詩嗎? 有看過那套電影嗎? 也許有人可以告訴我, 如何在歷劫後找尋快樂?

—1994年4月1日發表在加京華報

草原的光輝/Splendour in the Grass I

William Wordsworth, 1770-1850

 Though nothing can bring back the hour

 Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the  flower;

 We will grieve not, rather find

 Strength in what remains behind;

 …………………………….

 — Ode on Intimations of Immortality  from Recollections of Early Childhood,  William Wordsworth

 什麼也不能帶回那時光, 
 草原的光輝, 花卉之榮耀；
 我們不用嘆息, 
 代之, 我們在餘燼中找尋力量;

 ....................

 

這是田園詩人William Wordsworth 一首長詩中一段, 導演 Elia Kazan 用它來拍了電影, 在電影快完結的時候, 經過一番歷劫, 精神回復正常的女主角, 去訪探她舊時的男朋友, 見到他在落泊的環境, 她問他你快樂嗎? 他說我現在不大去想這種問題。

那裡有時間去想呢? 早起落夜的工作, 才僅得溫飽, 妻子蓬頭垢面, 兒子衣衫襤褸, 住的地方簡陋, 他都習慣了, 生活底重重壓力, 命運的諸多挫折, 逐漸把舊時的理想消磨掉, 年輕時的快樂如小鳥般一去不復返, 以前未經世故的俊朗面孔變得蒼老平凡, 面對清秀得如不食人間煙火的舊時女友, 他只有自慚形穢, 但僅只是一刹那, 伊人去後, 他還得重新面對生活, 無論環境如何惡劣, 仍要勇敢的活下去, 一次又一次的挫折, 如天火般打下來鍛煉, 在洪洪的烈火燒過後, 如何在餘燼中尋找力量? 如何在餘燼中化作再生鳳凰?

—1994年4月1日發表在加京華報

Belonging or Love

I lived in Hong Kong for my first 19 years, a short time compared to the 39 years I've lived in Canada. And yet when I return there sometimes, the familiarity wells up from deep inside me. So much so, that it feels like some sort of a priority understanding of the place. 

Yet, it would be a mistake to understand this feeling as belonging or love. I don't want to live in Hong Kong again. And if Hong Kong teaches me anything it's that knowing a place and feeling it deeply is not the same as living happily in it.

我在香港居住的頭19年, 與我在加拿大居住的39年相比, 時間很短, 但是當我有時回到香港時, 我內心深處的熟悉感就增強了, 如此之多, 以至於對這個地方有了某種優先的了解。

然而, 將這種感覺理解作為歸屬感或愛是錯誤的, 我不想再住在香港, 如果香港教給我任何東西, 那就是知道一個地方並深刻地感受到它與在那裡快樂地生活是不一樣的。

秋天的唐人街

Granville Street

Sitting outside a coffee shop in Vancouver downtown, enjoying my latte, under trees, of course. She isn’t called Green city for nothing. The afternoon sun pleasantly warming me up, I can’t help but to realize how far ahead Vancouver is compared to most North American cities I know. "Ahead in what way?" might you ask. In the art of enjoying life. 
La dolce vita, life is good. Life is too short to drink bad coffee.

坐在溫哥華市中心一家咖啡店外, 坐在樹下享受我的 latte。溫哥華不會無端端被叫做綠色城市。午後的陽光給我帶來溫暖, 我不禁想起溫哥華比其他北美城市前進得多, 怎樣前進呢? 溫哥華人非常識得享受生活。

生活是美好的。人生苦短, 不要喝壞咖啡。

莊子自在

莊子自在 1974 呂壽琨 139x70cm

昔者莊周夢為胡蝶, 栩栩然胡蝶也。自喻適志與! 不知周也。俄然覺, 則蘧蘧然周也。不知周之夢為胡蝶與? 胡蝶之夢為周與? 周與胡蝶則必有分矣。此之謂物化。— 莊子·齊物論

Once, Zhuang Zhou dreamed he was a butterfly, a butterfly flitting and fluttering about, happy with himself and doing as he pleased. He didn't know that he was Zhuang Zhou. Suddenly he woke up and there he was, solid and unmistakable Zhuang Zhou. But he didn't know if he was Zhuang Zhou who had dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming that he was Zhuang Zhou. Between Zhuang Zhou and the butterfly there must be some distinction! This is called the Transformation of Things. — Zhuangzi, chapter 2

後記: 呂壽琨 1919-1975

七十年代初, 我有幸出席呂壽琨先生在中文大學校外課程旁聽, 得益不少, 2003年, 我在溫哥華見到呂壽琨太太, 我們談起呂先生, 都可惜他的藝術生命太短, 她送給我一本呂壽琨先生畫書, 歲月匆匆, 十三年又過去了, 希望呂太太仍然健在, 身體健康。

Best summer ever

Rice Lake

Lynn Creek's 30' pool

Lynn Creek's emerald water

Lynn Canyon Headwater Park Forest

I walk the seawall and hike the mountains and jump in lakes and lay on grass and smell the roses. I bake bread, make wine, sew clothes and knit baby sweaters for friends.
My hope for the world is that we’re all nourished and safe so that we can make art, imbue our daily lives with beauty, enjoy food and style ourselves in ways that stretch beyond just filling our stomachs and keeping warm. Life is not just about survival, it’s about love and joy and beauty.
How privileged a position I'm in to have time and freedom to enjoy and cultivate these things. How lucky I am!